Sunday, December 14, 2003
FRIGGING IRATE
[edit ~10:10pm PT -- the Ichiro post link in the first paragraph was incorrect. It hasnow been fixed. Sorry to the one person that hit that link, according to the referrer logs.]
Well, before I get to the core of my reaction here, I'd like to point out my unfortunate but correct prognostication from just hours ago about the Seattle sports double-whammy, though I said the two occurrences would happen within days of each other when in fact they occurred within hours of each other.
So 6 yrs and $72M may seem a little steep for Tejada. That's an average of $12M/yr ($10M/yr not counting the signing bonus). If you saw my Ichiro post from earlier, then you can probably guess what I thought when I saw the terms to Tejada's deal --
If Ichiro is making over $12M for next year or years thereafter, I am going to be standing in the eye of Hurricane Vomit (thanks to Conan for that line).
Let me extend a big middle finger to Jim Bowden for being a fraud of a general manager as well as a fraud of a "sports journalist" in the same lifespan, and let me extend two outstretched and tendon-strained middle fingers (which may even be plaster-casted and mailed to the offices at 1250 First Ave South) to the Mariner brass once again for their commitment to "competitiveness." That and gate profits, which will decline when fans know and figure out (I wish this would happen sooner than later) that this brass isn't trying to get a World Series to Seattle. Need I point out to you the Dick Fain Ratio (brought to you by KJR super-substitute Dick Fain) of 90-90-3 -- 90 wins, $90M payroll, 3 million fans. Except now I think we can tweak it a bit and come up with 86-95-2.4. Of course, the $95M in this case would be using the Mariner books' voodoo math and the 2.4 million fans would happen when those lazy weeknights in June come along and the Mariners are ten games back in the West with Gil Meche on the 60-day DL with a partially torn rotator cuff, Guillen on the 15-day DL for the third time in 2004 with a groin pull, Raul Ibanez mired in a 1-for-39 slump, Joel Pineiro with a 64.68 ERA in the first inning, Freddy Garcia coming off six bad starts in a row, Jamie Moyer (only if QuesTec is installed at the Safe) getting jacked on the corner calls and having his ERA rise above 5, Ichiro hitting a grand .272 with an on-base of .290 and one steal on the year, Bret Boone is one of his funks where he whiffs on the slider over the outside corner from the righties EVERY TIME, Bloomquist being Bloomquist, and Rule V hitting a Mabryesque .142 off the bench.
This is the part where I proudly say that I did not attend a single game at Safeco Field last year. And guess what? I'm seeing no reason to go back. Hell, if I didn't have this blog going and didn't need post material during the summer (though I'll be gone six weeks in June/July at my geology field camp), there's a distinct possibility I might not even waste time with this team. This is frigging sickening.
Oh yeah, my prediction for the 2004 Seattle Mariners will be the same as my (somewhat incorrect) prediction for the 2003 Seattle Mariners -- 88-74, third place behind Oakland and Anaheim, no playoffs. I feel sorry for the players when I say this, but I don't think this management deserves to have their piece-of-crap talent evaluations, talent pricings, and general team-building techniques vindicated with a playoff appearance.
And no, they're not getting Vlad. We've been too high on the rollercoaster with the Tejada thing, there's no way anyone can convince me Vlad is remotely on the list.
I now regretfully unplug the Miggy Hot Stove.
--THOU SHALT NEVER LIGHT UP THE QUINTON MCCRACKENPIPE--
Well, before I get to the core of my reaction here, I'd like to point out my unfortunate but correct prognostication from just hours ago about the Seattle sports double-whammy, though I said the two occurrences would happen within days of each other when in fact they occurred within hours of each other.
So 6 yrs and $72M may seem a little steep for Tejada. That's an average of $12M/yr ($10M/yr not counting the signing bonus). If you saw my Ichiro post from earlier, then you can probably guess what I thought when I saw the terms to Tejada's deal --
If Ichiro is making over $12M for next year or years thereafter, I am going to be standing in the eye of Hurricane Vomit (thanks to Conan for that line).
Let me extend a big middle finger to Jim Bowden for being a fraud of a general manager as well as a fraud of a "sports journalist" in the same lifespan, and let me extend two outstretched and tendon-strained middle fingers (which may even be plaster-casted and mailed to the offices at 1250 First Ave South) to the Mariner brass once again for their commitment to "competitiveness." That and gate profits, which will decline when fans know and figure out (I wish this would happen sooner than later) that this brass isn't trying to get a World Series to Seattle. Need I point out to you the Dick Fain Ratio (brought to you by KJR super-substitute Dick Fain) of 90-90-3 -- 90 wins, $90M payroll, 3 million fans. Except now I think we can tweak it a bit and come up with 86-95-2.4. Of course, the $95M in this case would be using the Mariner books' voodoo math and the 2.4 million fans would happen when those lazy weeknights in June come along and the Mariners are ten games back in the West with Gil Meche on the 60-day DL with a partially torn rotator cuff, Guillen on the 15-day DL for the third time in 2004 with a groin pull, Raul Ibanez mired in a 1-for-39 slump, Joel Pineiro with a 64.68 ERA in the first inning, Freddy Garcia coming off six bad starts in a row, Jamie Moyer (only if QuesTec is installed at the Safe) getting jacked on the corner calls and having his ERA rise above 5, Ichiro hitting a grand .272 with an on-base of .290 and one steal on the year, Bret Boone is one of his funks where he whiffs on the slider over the outside corner from the righties EVERY TIME, Bloomquist being Bloomquist, and Rule V hitting a Mabryesque .142 off the bench.
This is the part where I proudly say that I did not attend a single game at Safeco Field last year. And guess what? I'm seeing no reason to go back. Hell, if I didn't have this blog going and didn't need post material during the summer (though I'll be gone six weeks in June/July at my geology field camp), there's a distinct possibility I might not even waste time with this team. This is frigging sickening.
Oh yeah, my prediction for the 2004 Seattle Mariners will be the same as my (somewhat incorrect) prediction for the 2003 Seattle Mariners -- 88-74, third place behind Oakland and Anaheim, no playoffs. I feel sorry for the players when I say this, but I don't think this management deserves to have their piece-of-crap talent evaluations, talent pricings, and general team-building techniques vindicated with a playoff appearance.
And no, they're not getting Vlad. We've been too high on the rollercoaster with the Tejada thing, there's no way anyone can convince me Vlad is remotely on the list.
I now regretfully unplug the Miggy Hot Stove.
--THOU SHALT NEVER LIGHT UP THE QUINTON MCCRACKENPIPE--
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