Tuesday, April 20, 2004
CHOKER
One more hockey related bit for now...
Joe Thornton is useless. I don't want to see his name in any discussions about the best players in hockey. He didn't even get a single point in the first round against Montreal. NOT A SINGLE POINT.
Hell, Jeff Goldblum (as played by David Duchovny in a "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit) is more useful than Joe Thornton.
Alex Trebek: That is awful. [ Jeff Goldblum buzzes in ] Jeff Goldblum.
Jeff Goldblum: [ marvels at the buzzer until time runs out ]
Alex Trebek: And you're an idiot! The answer was "a glass."
Sean Connery: Then the day is mine!
Alex Trebek: [ hesitant ] Technically, it's still Mr. Goldblum's board, but since he's a human wasteland, I'll let Mr. Connery pick again.
[...]
Alex Trebek. No. [ Jeff Goldblum buzzes in ] Jeff Goldblum, name this object.
Jeff Goldblum: Yes. Uh,. thank you. That's a..uh.. a what-do-you-call-it when you.. umm.. When you... when you punish criminals in.. uh.. days of yore. It was a.. And you'd put them in the.. uh.. the square in those.. you know.. uh..
Alex Trebek: You mean in the stocks or a pillory?
Jeff Goldblum: Yes, exactly! [ timer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: It's a freaking hammer!
Jeff Goldblum: Well, of course it is!
Sean Connery: Now, listen to me! You back off, Trebek! You wouldn't have known that if you didn't have that card in front of you! [ to Goldblum ] This guy reads from a card!
[...]
Alex Trebek: Are you English or retarded? Let's go to Jeff Goldblum, who appears to still be doing Tai Chi. Let's see what your answer was. [ screen reveals a huge number 2 ] The number 2.
Jeff Goldblum: Ah-hah ah-hah ah-hah.. the letter 2, my friend!
Alex Trebek: No, 2 is a number.
Jeff Goldblum: I, uh.. I can't read or write.
Joe Thornton is useless. I don't want to see his name in any discussions about the best players in hockey. He didn't even get a single point in the first round against Montreal. NOT A SINGLE POINT.
Hell, Jeff Goldblum (as played by David Duchovny in a "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit) is more useful than Joe Thornton.
Alex Trebek: That is awful. [ Jeff Goldblum buzzes in ] Jeff Goldblum.
Jeff Goldblum: [ marvels at the buzzer until time runs out ]
Alex Trebek: And you're an idiot! The answer was "a glass."
Sean Connery: Then the day is mine!
Alex Trebek: [ hesitant ] Technically, it's still Mr. Goldblum's board, but since he's a human wasteland, I'll let Mr. Connery pick again.
[...]
Alex Trebek. No. [ Jeff Goldblum buzzes in ] Jeff Goldblum, name this object.
Jeff Goldblum: Yes. Uh,. thank you. That's a..uh.. a what-do-you-call-it when you.. umm.. When you... when you punish criminals in.. uh.. days of yore. It was a.. And you'd put them in the.. uh.. the square in those.. you know.. uh..
Alex Trebek: You mean in the stocks or a pillory?
Jeff Goldblum: Yes, exactly! [ timer sounds ]
Alex Trebek: It's a freaking hammer!
Jeff Goldblum: Well, of course it is!
Sean Connery: Now, listen to me! You back off, Trebek! You wouldn't have known that if you didn't have that card in front of you! [ to Goldblum ] This guy reads from a card!
[...]
Alex Trebek: Are you English or retarded? Let's go to Jeff Goldblum, who appears to still be doing Tai Chi. Let's see what your answer was. [ screen reveals a huge number 2 ] The number 2.
Jeff Goldblum: Ah-hah ah-hah ah-hah.. the letter 2, my friend!
Alex Trebek: No, 2 is a number.
Jeff Goldblum: I, uh.. I can't read or write.
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