Tuesday, February 10, 2004
EARLY VERDICT: VANILLI
Larry LaRue weighs in on the Ron Villone signing...
"With (lefty) Eddie Guardado closing, we needed another left-hander to work before the ninth inning," (Bob) Melvin said from Phoenix. "Ron is versatile. He can give you two innings or face a couple of batters you have to get in a big spot. He's effective against right and left-handed hitters. This is a guy with a lot of experience in a few roles."
Let's take a couple pieces of that quote --
-- the need for another lefty before the 9th: there's people out there who love to argue in favor of Shig getting lefties out, though I still maintain there has to be another lefty. That said, the lefty should have a surname of any of Blackley, Sherrill, Madritsch, et al.
-- effective against...left-handed hitters: just look at the post two before this one. The guy was crap against lefties last year.
If there's someone out there that can confirm my possibly misled childhood memories of Ron Villone having some arm problems or two which hampered his development in the Mariners system, I'd really appreciate it. I have a feeling I'm right, but I also have the feeling I may have him confused with Roger Salkeld, who I know for a fact had arm problems, and was supposed to be so damned good, but came up and sucked heartily.
The Mariners have managed, with some wicked math, to piddle away a good portion of the $9.5M that was freed up when Sasaki walked. Perhaps they're using the same math as everyone's favorite former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson, who apparently has made well over $200M in his career and was left with a paltry $5553 last New Year's Eve. I wonder how much that damn face tattoo was worth.
Two things bothering this semi-insomniac regarding late-night TV commercials...
-- mass burnings of Kidz Bop compilations should be organized and encouraged worldwide. There's really no musically redeeming value to these compilations, and they managed to make POD's "Alive" sound like a sad song, when in fact it's meant to be uplifting.
-- those new Quizno's commercials with the rats playing music and singing off-key are about as creepy as the collaged cats singing songs on VH1
Sorry if y'all don't like me straying too far off topic, but I'm borderline insane right now, so bear with me and I'll get back on track here.
Any ideas for a nickname for Ron Villone? Right now I'll just suggest Vanilli, though it would surely piss him off, I'm sure. I'm sure others will come up with names like Ron Vil-Groan or Ron Hangupthebullpenphone or Ron pitches like he's Vil-Stoned or Ron Toblerone, because I'll need to eat enough of those scrumtrilescent (thanks, Ferrell) chocolate candies so I can induce a diabetic coma* sufficient enough to make the Mariners' 2004 season less painful. It's like the Dane Cook bit about how everyone is pissed off waiting in the long line at the bank. Dane suggests that they have someone come out of nowhere and punch certain people so that they think "damn, that hurt!! Maybe waiting in line isn't so bad after all because that punch hurt like hell!" It's not verbatim, but that's pretty much how the bit goes.
Okay, time to sleep before 3:30 here...I'll know what I think of this Mariner move when I'm in the bathroom after a big meal sitting on the Ron Vil-Throne.
*no offense to all those who do indeed suffer from diabetes and/or associated comas. We're all about sarcastic humor here at Sports and B's and never would we actually induce diabetic comas to make sporting events or following sports teams seem less painful.
"With (lefty) Eddie Guardado closing, we needed another left-hander to work before the ninth inning," (Bob) Melvin said from Phoenix. "Ron is versatile. He can give you two innings or face a couple of batters you have to get in a big spot. He's effective against right and left-handed hitters. This is a guy with a lot of experience in a few roles."
Let's take a couple pieces of that quote --
-- the need for another lefty before the 9th: there's people out there who love to argue in favor of Shig getting lefties out, though I still maintain there has to be another lefty. That said, the lefty should have a surname of any of Blackley, Sherrill, Madritsch, et al.
-- effective against...left-handed hitters: just look at the post two before this one. The guy was crap against lefties last year.
If there's someone out there that can confirm my possibly misled childhood memories of Ron Villone having some arm problems or two which hampered his development in the Mariners system, I'd really appreciate it. I have a feeling I'm right, but I also have the feeling I may have him confused with Roger Salkeld, who I know for a fact had arm problems, and was supposed to be so damned good, but came up and sucked heartily.
The Mariners have managed, with some wicked math, to piddle away a good portion of the $9.5M that was freed up when Sasaki walked. Perhaps they're using the same math as everyone's favorite former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson, who apparently has made well over $200M in his career and was left with a paltry $5553 last New Year's Eve. I wonder how much that damn face tattoo was worth.
Two things bothering this semi-insomniac regarding late-night TV commercials...
-- mass burnings of Kidz Bop compilations should be organized and encouraged worldwide. There's really no musically redeeming value to these compilations, and they managed to make POD's "Alive" sound like a sad song, when in fact it's meant to be uplifting.
-- those new Quizno's commercials with the rats playing music and singing off-key are about as creepy as the collaged cats singing songs on VH1
Sorry if y'all don't like me straying too far off topic, but I'm borderline insane right now, so bear with me and I'll get back on track here.
Any ideas for a nickname for Ron Villone? Right now I'll just suggest Vanilli, though it would surely piss him off, I'm sure. I'm sure others will come up with names like Ron Vil-Groan or Ron Hangupthebullpenphone or Ron pitches like he's Vil-Stoned or Ron Toblerone, because I'll need to eat enough of those scrumtrilescent (thanks, Ferrell) chocolate candies so I can induce a diabetic coma* sufficient enough to make the Mariners' 2004 season less painful. It's like the Dane Cook bit about how everyone is pissed off waiting in the long line at the bank. Dane suggests that they have someone come out of nowhere and punch certain people so that they think "damn, that hurt!! Maybe waiting in line isn't so bad after all because that punch hurt like hell!" It's not verbatim, but that's pretty much how the bit goes.
Okay, time to sleep before 3:30 here...I'll know what I think of this Mariner move when I'm in the bathroom after a big meal sitting on the Ron Vil-Throne.
*no offense to all those who do indeed suffer from diabetes and/or associated comas. We're all about sarcastic humor here at Sports and B's and never would we actually induce diabetic comas to make sporting events or following sports teams seem less painful.
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